9 Revised MTA Announcements (by an Angry New Yorker)

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Everyone is used to hearing the same, tired MTA reminders: Let the people off so you can get on, courtesy is contagious, give up your seat to the preggos and the elderly, etc. But the currently running list is clearly way too polite, as my daily train rides are continuously full of assholes determined to make our delayed, smelly subway rides even worse. I’ve drafted a few revisions, and added some suggestions of my own that would certainly  benefit the MTA to put into rotation. Immediately.

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Ordinary Criminals: NYC Edition

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Its no secret that NYC crime is down, a fact even more publicized thanks to the bickering about it on last year’s presidential debates, causing the entire nation to simultaneously google our city’s crime stats. However, there’s a different kind of criminal that’s continued to slip under the radar and infest our city streets: The type that invade your personal bubble, block your way to work, and make your subway rides a daily contemplation for farm life. They’re the everyday, obliviously inconsiderate, average moron who blatantly ignore the unspoken laws of our city, and they need to be stopped. Here are some of my top offenders.

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The Death of the Headphone…And my Sanity.

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With the recent birth of the new suckfest that is the headphone-jack-less iPhone 7, I thought I’d talk a little bit about the recent implosion of cell phone etiquette and abandonment of the headphone. Because lately…Something is happening:

Everyone has stopped caring about being a dick. Continue reading